I wanted to start out with a BANG, but the Barber cut All my Hair Off!
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Santa should have gotten paid for chimney sweeping!
How does Santa pay for all the gifts? The money he makes from chimney sweeping!
What is l, n? Preparation h!
What is I-I? Preparation H!
Why dozen eggs, 12 eggs? It can't be oval Teen if 12, has to be bakers dozen, 13 thru 19 to be oval teen!
Xyzal? X, Y, Z all the letters they know!
Ink Doctor? Ink Dr. is a mixed Drink! Dr. Ink! (DR-Ink!)
Why put a worm on a fishhook? It is a hanging basket! Hanging Bass-Kit!
Pikachu? They always talk about her talking with her mouth full! Peek a chew!
Pikachu? You peek at what she is chewing, so she doesn't talk with her mouth full!
Martina McBride? Martina liked McDonalds so much, she became McBride!!! 
Why did the chicken Cross the Road? It wanted to Start a Church.
Wait, isn't that "Church's Chicken?  Best On the Road!
You can Wing it!
Now we will not have Fowl Play On the Road! Plus, if it is too bad, blame it on Road Kill!
Just make sure it Does NOT Cross the Line!
If it is a gravel road, it likes to see people get Stoned! That's what you do to a bad road, Stone it!
It's Not a Dirt Road since the Church Cleaned it up!
Thus it Paved the Way!
No curves on Road and it is narrow for Straight and Narrow!
Copyright 2012 Bryan Schooley All Rights Reserved!

Hectometer? It's Heck to Meet Her!
Hectometer? It's Heck to Meat/Feed Her!
Hectometer? Say Heck to a Meter, shouldn't hafta pay to park and/or pay for Gas/Etc!
Hectometer? Say Heck to a Meter, maybe it got you a "Ticket!" You shoulda put more money in meter or got back sooner!
Hectometer? Say Heck when they tow your vehicle from a Meter!
Hectometer? Heck, they towed your vehicle from a Meter, now you have to walk with your Tow From the Meter!
Hectometer? No One likes her so it is Heck to Meet Her!
Hectometer? Heck a toe is a Meter!
Hectometer? Heck tow someone/something only a Meter!
Hectometer? A) 100 Meters! B) 100 people Meet Her/'er! C) 100 Meeter's/People that Meet Others!
Hectometer? It is Heck to Meter/Poetry with/about Her!

Copyright 2012 Bryan Schooley All Rights Reserved!
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What is "All-Purpose" Cleaner? To "Clean" Clothes! That's "All!"
What is Kentucky Fried Chicken? Someone in or from Kentucky gives potatos or "Fries" to a "Chicken!"
What do you call talking chickens? Chatter-Bocks! 
Watch out for people that "Stink," they are "Armed" and "Dangerous!"
Why do you put your "Soap" in the freezer? So I can have Clean Gloves, Ice-A-Toner's! (Isotoner Gloves!)
I can't wok on water but I can wok "On-Fire!"
Wok on Fire! Is the Wok made of wood and burning?
What is Heinz Field? Grow tomatos in a field for Ketchup!
Are you "Organized?" No! I'm not "Playing," my "Eyes" don't have "Organs!"
Are you "Organized? Yes my Eyes have "Organs" that play a "Key" part for "Music" to my Ears!"
A veterinarian's waiting room sign said, "Roll-Over" Minutes cost a "Fortune!"
A maternity ward's sign said, "We are not Kidding," we deliver children not Goats!
A towing company's sign says, "We go MILES to Give you a foot!" (Tow!)
An optometrists sign says you will like what you SEE, including the Bill!
Blooper. How can you have a "Blue-Purr" or "Unhappy-Happy Cat?"
Civil Servants have a Civil Duty for Civil-Lies'd in a Civil War!
One time taking a picture, I said, "Say Cheese!" My son said, "Daddy's Jokes!"
Can we stop at the restaurant? Why? I want to get a "Frosty" A) To give to the "Snowman!" B) To make Frosty the Snowman!
Copyright 2011 Bryan Schooley All Rights Reserved.
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