I wanted to start out with a BANG, but the Barber cut All my Hair Off!
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Martina McBride? Martina liked McDonalds so much, she became McBride!!!
Why did the chicken Cross the Road? It wanted to Start a Church.
Wait, isn't that "Church's Chicken?  Best On the Road!
You can Wing it!
Now we will not have Fowl Play On the Road! Plus, if it is too bad, blame it on Road Kill!
Just make sure it Does NOT Cross the Line!
If it is a gravel road, it likes to see people get Stoned! That's what you do to a bad road, Stone it!
It's Not a Dirt Road since the Church Cleaned it up!
Thus it Paved the Way!
No curves on Road and it is narrow for Straight and Narrow!
Copyright 2012 Bryan Schooley All Rights Reserved!
Hectometer? It's Heck to Meet Her!
Hectometer? It's Heck to Meat/Feed Her!
Hectometer? Say Heck to a Meter, shouldn't hafta pay to park and/or pay for Gas/Etc!
Hectometer? Say Heck to a Meter, maybe it got you a "Ticket!" You shoulda put more money in meter or got back sooner!
Hectometer? Say Heck when they tow your vehicle from a Meter!
Hectometer? Heck, they towed your vehicle from a Meter, now you have to walk with your Tow From the Meter!
Hectometer? No One likes her so it is Heck to Meet Her!
Hectometer? Heck a toe is a Meter!
Hectometer? Heck tow someone/something only a Meter!
Hectometer? A) 100 Meters! B) 100 people Meet Her/'er! C) 100 Meeter's/People that Meet Others!
Hectometer? It is Heck to Meter/Poetry with/about Her!

Copyright 2012 Bryan Schooley All Rights Reserved!
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What is "All-Purpose" Cleaner? To "Clean" Clothes! That's "All!"
"All" you can eat? Yuck! I don't want to eat detergent, but I would have a clean mouth!
What is Kentucky Fried Chicken? Someone in or from Kentucky gives potatos or "Fries" to a "Chicken!"
What do you call talking chickens? Chatter-Bocks! 
Watch out for people that "Stink," they are "Armed" and "Dangerous!"
Why do you put your "Soap" in the freezer? So I can have Clean Gloves, Ice-A-Toner's! (Isotoner Gloves!)
Too many "Cooks" don't spoil a soup, "Bad or Wrong Ingredients" do!
A comedian that puts people to sleep in a castle or palace is "Nodding-Ham" Palace! (Nottingham Palace!)
Why are you putting musical notes or just notes on that wood/post? "Post-It-
I can't wok on water but I can wok "On-Fire!"
Wok on Fire! Is the Wok made of wood and burning?
Wok on Fire? If the Wok is burning then it's a new meaning of "Wok-ing-On Fire!"
I have a pocket comb. It hurts every time I "Reach" in! At least you have a "Comb" and a "BRUSH!" in your pocket! 
What is Heinz Field? Grow tomatos in a field for Ketchup!
What is Heinz Field? Talk to tomato's in a field and "Catch-Up!"
Why did the Chick-Kin cross the road? To A) Get home! B) See "Uncle BUCK!" C) Get to a "ROOSTER'S!" D) Go to a (family) Reunion! 
Are you "Organized?" No! I'm not "Playing," my "Eyes" don't have "Organs!"
Are you "Organized? Yes my Eyes have "Organs" that play a "Key" part for "Music" to my Ears!"
A veterinarian's waiting room sign said, "Roll-Over" Minutes cost a "Fortune!"
A maternity ward's sign said, "We are not Kidding," we deliver children not Goats!
A maternity ward's sign said, "Delivering a Child is a Bum-Deal once the Child is Down and Out!"
A tire shops sign says "RE-TIRE" here so you can "Tread" on thin ice or water!
A tire shops sign says, "RE-TIRING?" You can watch us "Rotate on your Axles!"
A hotel "Sign" for "UMPIRES" covers All-Bases and says, "IN! (Safe!) and OUT! (Gone!)
A Steel Plate is made of "Base" metals!
A towing company's sign says, "We go MILES to Give you a foot!" (Tow!)
A towing company's sign says, "We are only good for 2 feet! (2-Tows!)
An optometrists sign says you will like what you SEE, including the Bill!
You meet Bill your optometrist and say hi, I can hardly see you! After your visit and you get your bill, you say your sign was wrong, it should say, You'll like what you see, except for the Bill! Bill says wait, look at me, tell me if you can see me clearly? The patient says yes! Then Bill says You like what you SEE including your "Bill!"
A plumbers sign on his truck says, "You won't be Stuck with my Snake!"
Blooper. How can you have a "Blue-Purr" or "Unhappy-Happy Cat?"
A "Hillbilly" used a Table as a "Flat" filing cabinet until I got "Tired" of it and cleaned off the table! Now the Hilbilly is Full of "Hot" air!
Cannibals. A) Can "Nibbles" mean you're getting a "Bite?" B) Nibbles on a can? C) A great name for a Can of Sardines!
Civil Servants have a Civil Duty for Civil-Lies'd in a Civil War!
Cliffhanger is a Hanger A) That "Rocks," Rocks Clothes or planes, or for Clothes or planes that Rock! B) On a cliff! Not Open, "Clothed!" C) Plane to see In a cliff! D) "IN" plane View!
One time taking a picture, I said, "Say Cheese!" My son said, "Daddy's Jokes!" 
Can we stop at the restaurant? Why? I want to get a "Frosty" A) To give to the "Snowman!" B) To make Frosty the Snowman!
Why is the snow so clean? "Frosty" the Snowman was "Maid" of snow!
How do you know the Snowman/Frosty is a good worker? He was "Maid" of Snow and Snow is Clean!"
I was told, "Type THIS Letter!" Who would you forward "THIS" to? Everyone! I also forwarded "THAT" to Everyone! So, did THIS-WON or THAT-WON? THAT-WON! I'm smarter! 
Copyright 2011 Bryan Schooley All Rights Reserved.
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